Life

People say a lot of things, like opportunities don't come to you, so you should grab any opportunity that passes you by. People also say that you should dream big...thus, people say a lot of things. It's funny how my life does not really reflect what people say. The greatest opportunities were always given to me, I never had to really grab it or take a hold of it. It somehow came waltzing by and took a hold of me. So...I continued to think that everything would be 'spoon fed' to me by someone...though, I don't really know who. Now that I'm in grade 12 the final year of high school...I realized that if I wanted something I should go for it. Grab it by its tail and not let it go. So I grabbed, and I missed. How funny it is to think that people say that you should grab the opportunities that come by you, when that doesn't seem to be working for me at all.

I wanted to get into this program in university, first thinking that it would just give my ego another boost, I applied. When I found out what the program was really able to give me, I wanted it...and tried to do as much as I could possibly do to get in. My efforts were wasted, I got rejected. I faced rejection with a laugh and moved on with my life. I applied for a scholarship, I thought that I would get it, just because I have a huge ego and I did a lot of extracurricular activities, but...I didn't. Opportunities seem to be just slipping away from my grasp one by one. Then, valedictorian...it's funny how...it was one of the few things that I ever wanted to do in high school. I thought it would be a true democratic system where who wanted to run would run, but it wasn't. It was a popularity contest, and the funny part is, only half of the graduates were aware of this popularity contest, which caused me to not get what I wanted.

One by one, opportunities are waltzing by, I try to grab a hold of them and they seem to just slip away, further and further away from me. Today we voted for the valedictorian, I sat there and listened. There was nothing that I could've done. Nothing. Why wasn't I up there? I asked myself, was it that I wasn't qualified enough? Was it that I'm not popular enough? Was it because I can't seem to represent my peers? I personally don't think so. I actually think that I would've been a much better valedictorian candidate than both of the people on stage. But what can I do? Nothing. I guess it's fate...that I can't get what I want....when I actually really want it.

It's funny how i always get things that I never truly want, and end up really liking it. I never really wanted to join any sports team...I ended up playing on multiple teams. I never wanted to do any extracurricular activities, I ended up being in almost all of them. I never intended to be in the student council, I ended up being president. But when I wanted to be valedictorian, I didn't get it. When I wanted that scholarship and to get into that program, I didn't get it. Does it mean that I should just want nothing in life and in return get everything? How does that make any sense? Why is it that when I want something so badly, I can never seem to get it? Why is it that nothing ever goes the way I planned it to go...how am I supposed to think of my future when already the events that take in my life just happens spontaneously.

I'm so confused, so upset, I feel like I'm being toyed with, yet I can't seem to do anything. Everytime I want to speak out, they say I'm complaining, everytime I want to take action, they call me a rebel. What am I supposed to do? Sit and stare at a wall? I'm tired of being seen as a lucky person, for having all that I have today, I'm sick and tired of being looked down upon because they assume I have connections to get my way through life when I don't. Half of the things I've ever done is because I did it at the spur of the moment. I guess I'll always be a spontaneous person, whatever happens will happen.

I never get what I want...nor do I get what I need...I just get things...that I would never think I could get.

My life sounds so very odd...what about yours?